Trigger warning (abortion)

What is something you wish you could tell your 20-year-old self?

Me to the 20 year old self: Think about who the father of the unborn child is. He lies and has created lies about others. You are next! If you have this child you will give birth to an exact replica of him. He is 100% damaged as he does not have any conscience. You have witnessed his lies first hand. Are you prepared to have a mini child who will inherit his personality?

My 20 year old self: No it won’t happen. Personally cannot be inherited. NO!

Me to the immature 20 year old self: do you understand that every single lie he has told will now be her mission in life? The lies he created were vicious. Can you deal with a min him?

The worn out, emotionally battered 20 year old self: Just do it. Have the abortion. Do not have that child because she is already damaged child who will certainly carry on his legacy.

Me: I was so stupid to actually believe I could change the outcome with much love. There isn’t any amount of love which will change the outcome of a that child born with mental illnesses only be helped with life long medication and therapy. If she chooses not to follow this path you will always be the one she blames for everything. Imagine spending the rest of your time on earth defending yourself from the vicious lies of a 40 yo daughter with borderline personality disorder, manic depression and whatever else was wrong with him, now hers?

The 20 yo self has left the chat room: but first she states “Mom you should have had the abortion.”

Me: Again she was pretending to be me. If I hide for the rest of my life will she stop?

The 20 yo: never. I will hunt you down. Even if I cannot find you I will still tell the lies about you.

me: in a covert trap house hiding from the one person i thought could be my best friend for life. My daughter is no longer. I should have had the abortion. Just look at who her father was?

The 20 yo AND the person I am now. We both agree. Can we return to 1982 and change history? Is it too late?

The one thing I should have told myself was something I was far too immature to understand. The truth is abortion is an emotional and private matter to even share. If only we could talk about it?